The History of Love & Autism

The Story

The Birth of Love & Autism (How It Started)

Around 25 years ago, I started my first “real” job. In sharing space with autistic people, I found my tribe. I also found a lot of problematic stuff. The talk was all related to curing autism: “It is so bad that we got to get it out of here at all costs. Throw billions of dollars at it to cure these people because we don’t want them here. We’re cool with eugenics.” It was bad.

This rhetoric was absolutely the status quo. Worse yet, this was the predominant message within all helping spaces. The message was clear, stop being autistic at all costs.

There was a tension that grew within me. This is wrong. But what could I do?
I felt alone.

I felt alone. But in reality, I had many people around me that shared my same values. I knew autistic people and their families needed something different.

So, I started my own therapy practice. Within this treatment space, we lived by our value. We weren’t about change it, fix it, be less autistic. The costs of practicing within the pathology paradigm where way to high. So we did it differently. Love, acceptance, and healthy autistic identity were at the heart of our work and remain our core values.

But outside of this bubble we created, when I listened to the voices that dominated within the autism community, I could hear so much hurt, shame, discrimination, misunderstanding, and pain.

The voice within me continued to nag at me:

• • • • What if nothing changed in how we think about autism?
      • What if this is it in terms of treatment?
      • What if we keep othering people with autism?
      • What if children continue to be restrained and abused?
      • What if job opportunities, housing, and schooling options continue as is?

I felt stuck. Depressed. Limited. It was 2014.

It was in this environment that I decided I would create an event to advance the field; one where love, respect, and humanistic practices were at the core of discussions about individuals with autism.

Conference Years

During the conference years we have had some amazing experiences – all born from my desire to push the limits of what was being done at the time.

• • • • What if we could get Dan Siegel to speak at our inaugural conference? That would be big…and it was.
      • In 2015, “What if we got married at your conference?” Anita Lesko said to me in a phone call and so we had the first all-autistic wedding between Anita & Abraham.
      • What if we celebrated the beautiful talents of our community?” And the miracle project performers serenaded us with a show-stopping performance.
      • What if autistic artists displayed their love and relationship inspired art….wow, that could be rich so Michael Tollison speed painted a beautiful mural.
      • When Chou Chou Scantlin dazzled us with the first autistic cabaret show, I couldn’t even conceptualize how powerful a story could be told through her sultry voice and a wiggle in her hips.
      • What if we had music and a fashion show…and then Noah Byrd played an acoustic set. Michael Ryan Andelsek showcased his high fashion and gifted me my outfit that year.
      • What if we tore down the myths that autistic people, don’t do dating, sex and relationships…so Alex Plank from Lonely Planet made us all laugh and learn about dating while Amy Gravino shared about sex and intimacy.
      • What if we busted the myth that autisitc people aren’t athletes and need special jobs for special people….Then came Clay Marzo, pro surfer who made a custom surf board.
      • What if we just create so much autistic joy that would carry us into our lives till we met again….so we did just that.

We pushed the status quo. Most conferences had a panel of autistic people where keynotes were often professionals. That was part of the problem. We wanted all autistic voices on our main stage and so we did that.

But even further, we decided that we needed David Finch, New York Times best selling author to be our MC. We thought he’d be pretty great. We were not wrong about that.

Some of our most amazing Love & Autism stories have come through taking a chance on someone unknown; like Daniel Wendler who had me in tears as he invited us to create societal change by asking ourselves “What if I sat next to him?” when encountering a lonely teen.

New ideas were created. Relationships were strengthened. Friendship emerged.

Creating Social Change

I did not know that Love & Autism would evolve into a social change movement or that it would grow to be what it is today.
Now, the purpose of Love & Autism is simple — everything we do, whether it be a big movie premiere or a private therapy session, is related to creating a world where autistic people are able to experience love and belonging and be heard and understood as their authentic, autistic selves. We do this through bottom-up and top-down change. The bottom-up is creating this with, and for, autistic people and their families. The top-down is doing events where autistic people are in the neuro-majority and their voices heard. Within this space, non-autistic shift their belief systems. We all walk away with fuller hearts and a capacity to create a better world.

Love & Autism is not just a name; it’s a profound statement that embodies our commitment to dismantling systemic ableism.

Love & Autism has become something that I am proud of. I’m proud to be a part of this movement and so humbled to see others walk with me on this journey of creating change. Its truly become one of the many loves of my life.

The Meaning of “&”

The first most obvious part of our name is the pairing of Love and Autism. For some, these words together might seem like a mismatch. The pairing is provocative in a painfully sad way. The reality is that many believe the harmful stereotype that autistic people do not want and need love. But our name has more meaning than just that.

The ‘&’ was chosen for a very specific purpose. Actually, this character is likely the most important piece in our logo. With Love & Autism, the ‘&’ was chosen for a very specific purpose. Actually, this character is likely the most important piece in our logo.The ampersand is commonly used to suggest a partnership or collaboration. A union, if you will. The ampersand represents the connectedness and nuance of living autistically.

The & represents autism as from the social model & disability model. Both are real and valuable. Autism can be celebrated as a necessary part of humanity & be a disabling condition where personalized supports is needed.

Being autistic is not a singular identity where all autistic people are one in the same. The & represents the collective identities of intersectional autistic experiences. This challenges certain stereotypes that exist like male only, or child only, or white only, or genius, or lovers of trains or any one way of being autistic. All autistic voices need to be heard.

Even how society talks about being autistic represents a dichotomy. Where autistic people are presented as either autistic or successful. This discriminatory practice positions autistic people as success despite being autistic. More often than not, autism is represented as something to “overcome.” In the “against all odds” narrative, autistic people are not afforded the common decency of assuming quality of life. The “despite having autism” paired with a remarkable achievement notion has to be challenged. The ampersand is just the symbol to do that!

The & represents the change that we hope to see & the acknowledgement that our work is not done. It represents the responsibility of both autistic & non-autistic people doing this work together. It represents the fight for autistic human rights & the autistic joy we create together. And more now than ever, it represents our shared journey. This is You & Me. This is Love & Autism.

Past Events